A feeling of accomplishment.

A couple of posts ago, I showed you the beginnings of what would be the face-cut-out-photo-thing for the Smile Colombia fundraiser gala. Tonight, I have completed said project. Thank you to everyone who helped and who supervised and who just showed up to check on me.

This painting, though it had to be done quickly and simply, was not the easiest in the world. It was large, very heavy, and tough to paint on so that it was solid and not translucent. Not to mention I am not in the best mood lately.

Something about it though made my fucking day. I looked at it, in its goofy, cartoony hilarity and thought, "I did that. I fucking did that."  To be quite honest (and maybe too personal), my heart is broken right now. I haven't slept more than two hours at a time, I have no appetite, and I would rather not even get out of bed.

But this was different. I had promised a friend (and a dear one at that) that I would have this done by Wednesday...so I just poured myself into it. Never mind the lack of motivation. Never mind the racing thoughts. Never mind all the bullshit that was going on around me. I set it up, put my paints around me, sat on top of it, painting, and did not look back.

And what did I get?

Not too shabby, eh? The hands are a little wonky, and the heads won't be to scale with the bodies, but it's still awesome. It is exactly what I had in my head. Ask any "artist" or any regular Joe trying to draw a picture. There is nothing more satisfying than stepping back and saying, "Yes. This is exactly what I had in mind."

And so I sit here now, staring at its glory, my hands covered in peeling paint, my jeans ruined... If I could do this, my heart broken, then that's something. If I can make something I am so proud of when I feel so worthless, well shit, I can do anything. 

All I'm saying is don't give into depression...and I know that's hard...but take it, put a positive spin on it. Distract yourself. Occupy your time. Make something you can show to other people and say, "Yes. That is mine."

I'll wrap up on a more positive note. I would once again like to say thanks to everyone who helped me out yesterday and today. Sorry to use names, but you helped and get a shout out. I'll use nicknames. :) 

Thank you Hawthy (especially), Jladd, Wesley, Loag, E, and lil' Hoopster...for everything. I love you guys.

Now get your ass off the internet and go do something positive to show me.

(ipromiseithelps)